I have been finding myself so nostalgic and emotional watching and observing my “big kids” these last few weeks. “Big” in the sense that they feel big, but in reality they are truly babies still! Luke, five for only a month now, Kate at three and Emma is just a wee babe herself as she nears two. It’s the same feeling I have embraced twice before; conceptually knowing that my capacity for love and care just expands and multiplies before my eyes, but finding myself tender, in the most raw state, soaking up and watching carefully for every sweet little action, mispronunciation, arm roll, etc. Let’s just rephrase that as a royally hot mess. And while hormones are a wonderful catalyst in this whole situation, I can’t imagine if there’s some bigger significance that God has built within us through this process, and if there is, I hope to understand it one day.
I am holding fast that I have seen before and know, that with every new life, there are adjustments that happen. James and my life together was forever changed when Luke arrived. I knew that there was a phase we were “exiting” and nothing would ever be the same. I didn’t want anything else other than what we were headed for, yet I still took a moment for the era that came before. I think I am in that moment again right now. Completely consumed in the era we have been in and then completely devoted and in wonder at the one that’s before us. Well, that and a little nervous too, hehe. Lord have mercy! 😉