ten things in our first year {jenn from psp}

Our next lovely lady to share is Jenn- the sweet, funny, Jesus-lovin, Boston fan {oh man!}, newlywed and {obviously} a pure beaut from {Passenger Seat Perspectives}! I so enjoy Jenn’s genuine perspective on life and hearing about all her adventures! And I think we’re a little big bloggy twinsy {both married to a James, met during church internships- what what! AND we’re both nearly a quarter century old!}, I mean really, it doesn’t get much more bloggy twins than that! And to top it off, she’s an awe.some. pinner. And that just makes me smile. So check her out already!

Life, since then, has not been perfect. Our wedding gifts are worn from use, everything isn’t always tidy and neat (to say the least), we get frustrated and annoyed with each other, we leave our shoes in a pile next to the door, and we come home tired and sometimes grumpy from work.

It hasn’t been perfect – but it’s been an incredible adventure. We’ve traveled, worked in different ministries in our church, got to go to a “prom” and camp and football games together, moved from a duplex into a house, and shared lots of love and laughter over two years. I can’t wait to see what happens in ten, twenty, thirty, or more. Here are some things I’ve learned so far:

1. God first, spouse second, others third. This is, and will always be our rule. If I just try to please James all the time, I end up feeling burned out or fake, and in the end, if he was just looking for me to make him happy, he wouldn’t be. But as we both focus on pleasing God and growing closer to him, we get closer to each other. Amazing how that works : )

2. Always say, “I love you.” One of our married friends gave the advice to always say it before you go to bed, because you never know what will happen tomorrow. I try to say it every time I think it.

3. Pray together every day. It was awkward at first, but I love that we can both talk to God with the other listening – it’s so intimate and powerful.

4. Take time for the “C” word. Communicate, people. I know, it’s like the first piece of advice people give you when you ask about your marriage, but marriage is bringing together two different people with different expectations, plans, dreams, wants, and needs. You can’t expect to get through it without tension, but it helps if you stay open and communicate these things. Your spouse isn’t a mind reader.

5. Give and take. Something we learned at a marriage class we took was how important it is that we take an interest in what our other half likes to do. James is super supportive, even though he doesn’t take an interest in photography or shopping like I do. I try to take hikes with him, and I’m working on playing Frisbee golf with him (and having a good attitude even when I’m awful at it), even though it’s not my favorite way to spend the day. The important thing is that we try to do things together.

6. Be transparently honest. Even though my hubby laughs at me about how much I’m on Pinterest, if he asks what I’m doing on the computer, I tell him. Even if I did nothing productive all afternoon before he came home from work, I’ll tell him about the two episodes of “Once Upon A Time” I watched. It seems silly, but even being honest about the little things sets a tone of honesty in our life overall.

7. Consider each other better than yourself. Although we sometimes often fail to meet each other’s expectations, we try to rise to meet what the other wants or needs (based on previous experience). The planning, for example. I try to get all the information I can gather so that I can give it to James right away, so that he’s happy and I’m not frustrated with a million questions.

8. Plan. Like, with a calendar. I’m much more of a “let’s wing it” kind of girl, whereas James is a schedule-conscious guy. We’ve bumped heads over this a few times. In the end, though, I can’t be spontaneous like I could when I was single. The weeks that we’ve planned our schedules out well are the weeks where we actually get to spend time together; when we don’t plan, we don’t see each other until bedtime.

9. Date regularly. (I mean each other.) Even if it’s something silly like a Walmart date, go out, be productive or not so much, just do something together. We have a date once a week – even if it’s just frozen pizza and a movie, with a promise that we won’t use our cell phones that night.

10. Laugh a lot. We both have nerdy senses of humor, but we have fun! I love our inside jokes, even if no one around us understands what we’re talking about.

Happy anniversary, Casey and James! Here’s to many more : )

Thanks so much for sharing, Jenn! 
Check out her blog at Passenger Seat Perspectives!